Protect The Single Girls!

In high school and even into my first several adult years, I felt I had absolutely no need for any man in my life.  High school was a difficult time in my life anyways.  Things had gone south in my parents' marriage, and I was old enough and able enough to take on some responsibilities that were more adult than I was ready for.  I had three younger siblings, and as I'm sure they will attest to, I had no problem bossing them around and pretending I knew what I was doing.  Not a good situation, but the past is the past, and you can't really do much with it.  That's not really where I'm going with this story anyway! :)

Coming into my adult years I probably would have made a good candidate to join the women's liberation movement.  I felt I could do everything on my own, had no need or desire for a man in my life, and had ambition to become CEO of a major corporation, or go study business in England.  None of this happened, of course, but I still had the attitude...and that's the most dangerous part.

I never dated in high school, and was so awkward and completely clueless I don't think I would have noticed if anyone had been interested in me.  To my knowledge, no one was, so I guess I didn't have a problem there!  But when I went to college, the expectations of family and friends was that you would find your soul mate, get married, have babies and live happily ever after.  Yet again, I didn't have a clue what I was doing in the relationship department.  I still had no interest in getting married, other than the idea of getting married, which are two VERY different things!

I still felt I could do everything on my own, and with that attitude I don't think I was attracting any guys from my very-baptist-Christian-school!  So I left my first few years of college still not dating, still no boyfriend, no husband, no babies and no prospects.  But somehow, I was fine with it, other than being a little lonely with not having this ideal boyfriend everyone kept telling me I would find someday.

I lived on my own, went to school, had roommates...and then subsequently watched them all get married and eventually have babies of their own.  Still, I wasn't worried because no matter how old you are, you still have friends that tell you, "The right person is out there", or "You'll meet someone someday, when you're least expecting it".  Blah, blah, blah.  It was beginning to sound like a broken record, and I was still trying to hang on to the belief that they knew what they were talking about and had some special revelation from God concerning my singledom.

Eventually though, hope started to turn into disbelief, and my inner independence took over once again.  I over-involved myself in church ministries, school and anything else that would occupy my time.  Since I was single, and was starting to believe that I would remain so, I figured I had better find good ways to spend my time.

There is an element of necessity when it comes to us single girls, and this is the main point of my story.  It's independence.  Now, I think I'm beyond the stage of wanting to become the next women's lib. poster girl!  But out of necessity, us single girls become self-dependent.  We learn to do everything for ourselves, because there is no one else to help us do it.  We pay the bills.  We plan for our future.  We fix our cars, unclog the toilets and sink drains, do the household chores, and pay for everything ourselves.  It is out of necessity, not because we are either qualified or have the strong desire to do so on our own.  Trust me.  We don't.

We would much rather have a partner to do things together with, or have someone to help share the load, or be the yin to our yang.  I'd much rather have someone to pay the bills and handle the checkbook, fix the wiring on the cable tv/dvd/surround sound system when I don't know that the heck I'm doing.  But sometimes you just don't have anyone around who can do those things for you, so you learn to do everything yourself.

This can lead to further issues, by the way, which I know you single ladies are thinking about right now.  When you become an independent single woman, who can do things for herself, and you DO find a guy that you like, he can sometimes start to wonder if you really even need him for anything.  And WE usually don't see that.  We just do it ourselves, because we can, and we have become used to doing so.  So they almost remain unneeded.

Here's my challenge.  Ladies, let the men be men, and relish the chance to be a woman!  Men, don't be scared by us.  We really hate doing everything ourselves, and secretly want you to come rescue us from a life of being superwoman, but don't want you to know it.  We might try and show you we can do it, but we really want you to be our protectors.  Sorry I let the secret out ladies.  I know we fight against it sometimes, but God made us different, and gave us different roles for a reason!  Embrace it!! :)

I'm preaching to myself here too, because when trying to brace myself from the shock of actually having a guy that is willing to be a protector, I have to remember that that is his role, and allowing him to be that is honoring to God, even as a single woman.

If you've been keeping up with my blog, you know that I have been staying (almost 2 months now) with my friends Jason and Jenn.  We all went to college at Word of Life together, but really we were not close friends then, and really didn't keep in touch after school.  But here, 13 years later, our paths crossed, and our friendship has blossomed!  It is amazing how God works our lives out!

Jason and Jenn are awesome.  It is great to see their relationship and marriage played out every day in front of me.  I appreciate their honesty and openness.

I remember a sermon or Bible study some time ago talking about this aspect of protection from men, and how men can offer than to anyone, even other women.  Well, that was a shock!!  I find that we, as Christians, are scared to be vulnerable to anyone.  I have always heard about the dangers of women friends, or showing kindness to a woman from a married man, and so on.  And while I totally agree, I believe that we have become so worried about it, and we have closed ourselves off to a very important aspect of Christian brother/sisterhood.  And lets face it ladies, we don't want anyone to come close to our man, and find any woman that even talks to our men a huge threat.  And although we need to be careful and aware (especially in today's society), I'd like to challenge us all as women to think about the role of our husbands/boyfriends/sons in the church, our community, our church, our family, and with women in general.  Much effort is given in the Christian world to reminding each other of the dangers of relationships.  Think about it.

I have to give props to my friend Jenn.  Perhaps she doesn't even realize it.  Perhaps she does.  But, as a Christian wife, she has allowed her husband to show protection over me.  I didn't totally realize it myself until I was struggling with some ex-boyfriend issues, and he offered to "take care of it" for me.  And while he was kidding about the extent of it, I started to realize how much of this protection I had been missing in my life.  I'm sure Jason doesn't even realize it either, but I am so thankful to God for providing me with an example of a proper relationship between "the single girl" and "the married man-friend", and for the subtle yet sure ways that Jason has shown me protection in these last couple of months while invading his home!! :)  Thanks Jason!

Ladies, we can never be protected fully by any man, whether it's a Christian man (single or married) or not.  Our true protector if God.  God made man in His image, why would we escape the fact that God made men as our protectors, when He is in fact, our true Protector to the fullest extent that one ever could be or will be.  So, don't get the wrong idea about what I'm saying about our Christian brothers, because there is only so much they can do as men that we are not married to, but allow them that opportunity when it comes up, properly thank them when they do, and realize that God has allowed all kinds of protection for us single (and married) girls. 
We might not have a husband, or maybe even a boyfriend to offer that protection 24/7, but God is around every second of my life, and has allowed people to come into my life to protect me when it's needed.  His provision is all-inclusive and given specifically to our needs.  Like I said before, don't fight it, PLEASE don't go all inappropriate with it either, but realize that God as our Protector, has provided us with glimpses of it here on Earth.  Whether it's a prayer warrior, a friend to fix our car or that clogged drain, someone to offer physical protection if needed, or a couple that you went to school with 13 years ago who have since taken you into their home and offered your food and shelter, our job as Christian women is to be thankful and allow them the blessing of being men, and we can enjoy the blessing of being a woman taken care of!

Praise God for the times when he gives us a human man to give us an example of our Ultimate Protector!!