Turn right here. Recalculating...

You're driving along and you either miss the turn, the GPS doesn't give you the info in time to get in the turn lane, or you think you know better and drive past, sending "Karen" into a frantic trying to recalculate!  This is so like my life right now.  To anyone looking in on my life, it probably looks like a hot mess right now, but to me, I deal day to day, and try to roll with the punches.  "Karen" would be throwing a fit right about now!!
Recalculating...recalculating...
I'm doing just that.
For those of you that know me and my physical situation, you know that I am trying to work my way back to full-time work, while still dealing with the results of my accident.  I wish they would just go away.  I wish I could ignore them.  Unfortunately, I cannot.
July 2004, I was enrolled in 2 classes at Rider University, where I worked and went to school.  These were the last of 11 classes I had left to take before finishing my Bachelor's Degree.  That goal has been left unfinished, as I have focused on my physical health, and now getting back to work.  The desire to finish has not gone away, however.  But this is uncharted waters for me as I am currently working 30 hours, and experiencing some more physical problems with the new schedule.
With school still out there as a possibility, I have had to "recalculate" future plans.  It's come down to an either/or situation.  Either I work full-time, or take a second look at the school option. 
Right now, the school option is looking like a good one.  As much as going back to school after being out of it for almost 8 years, is not the most pleasant thought in the world, it is something that I need to do.  In this economy I need to be marketable, and there is not a whole lot about secretarial work that is marketable.  Granted, I am working, which means I am one of the lucky ones right now, but my work is temporary and with my lack of degree, leaves my salary still in poverty level.  Sad, huh?
So, I am currently looking into finishing my degree.  The way I see it, if I go full-time...yes, that's right, full-time, I can finish in a full year, maybe 15 months.  My program is not much to speak of, but a Master's Degree is already in the thoughts, and at the point of closing out my undergrad would be something to seriously decide on.
While I never thought I would have these issues to deal with in my life, I can't hide from them.  They are decisions that need to be made, and as with all life decisions, require thought and the best educated guess you can muster. 
Who would have thought this would be happening right now?  Certainly not me!  But then again, nothing about my life is what I thought it would be, so why should this be any different?!

The other thing happening and not happening in my life is the great world of dating.  I am having these conversations with people my age about how annoying it is that people don't meet organically anymore.  You meet online. You become Facebook friends, meet on Match.com or EHarmony.com, post your profile and wait.  And if you're like me you wait a lot.  I am not a serial dater.  I'm not even a frequent dater.  Maybe it's because I don't like dating.  Maybe it's because I don't like dating the wrong people.  I think I am awkward at dating, probably because I never did it in high school.  Let's not start that story.  Suffice to say, there was no dating experience.
So, I spent my entire 20-something years trying to figure out what the heck I was going to do with my life, while accumulating thousands of dollars in student loans, moving and transferring all over the country, and focusing all my time on school.  Then the accident happened and my focus switched to survival and recovery.  It's still somewhat in that mode, but I feel like emotionally and mentally I'm in a much better place than I was even a few years ago.  The physical issues are still there, but now I'm finding my focus shifting again to regaining my sense of self.  I've been given a second chance at life and I'd like to find the purpose in it.  I think I have at least an idea.  The future details I'll leave up to God so I don't find myself overwhelmed and stressed out!  But the big idea is there.  Now I just need to educate myself in how to do it, and "gird my loins" for the journey.  I don't want to string this out over years and years while killing myself trying to work as well.  It just ain't gonna happen people.  This is my normal now.  Ahh, rabbit trail again.  Back to the single thing.

But if you do not make yourself known, as in show up to social functions, go out just for fun sometimes, and just make yourself present in your own life.  No one can date/marry you if they don't know you exist.  If you stay in your house all the time no one will ever find you.  So, I am taking the charge to go out and be my awkward, weird self and meet people face to face.  Learn to say no, and more importantly learn to say yes.  This is reverse from what I was taught when I was younger.  And truthfully saying no is the safe thing to do, but if you never say yes, you will just be lonely.  So, here's to saying yes!

The other thing happening in my life is deciding to put my dog Sammy to sleep.  I have had her for 2 years, after my ex-boyfriend and I rescued her from a pile of dirt (basically).  She was already old.  The vet estimated 10 years old at least.  She had a multitude of problems.  Obviously teeth rotting, and missing the rest of them, broken and popping bones, a hernia, and cataracts.  In the last few months her problems have gotten worse, where she can't control her bowels, trips while walking, the blank stares while we're out walking, extremely slow walking (and sometimes walking sideways), and being very lethargic, and having a hard time getting up from a laying position.  I've been wondering for the last month or two how much longer she was going to last.  But as I've watched her I've realized how much worse she is getting, so I have made the decision.  I called a vets office last week while at work, and cried for the next 10 minutes.  The last time I had to do this was when I was 16.  It is so hard to make this decision, but I feel like it's the best one.
I had my friend Jenn take some pictures of me and the girls today at the park, just so I could have them before I have to take Sammy in.  Pictures to follow, and a hard day after that.  Why does life have to be so hard sometimes?  I wish people and animals could die peacefully in their sleep when they're old or sick, but it just doesn't happen like that all the time.  I'm so grateful for the 2 years spent with my sweet Sammy.  She has lived better in these 2 years than she probably had the rest of her life before.  At least she is going out one happy and loved dog.