Protect The Single Girls!

In high school and even into my first several adult years, I felt I had absolutely no need for any man in my life.  High school was a difficult time in my life anyways.  Things had gone south in my parents' marriage, and I was old enough and able enough to take on some responsibilities that were more adult than I was ready for.  I had three younger siblings, and as I'm sure they will attest to, I had no problem bossing them around and pretending I knew what I was doing.  Not a good situation, but the past is the past, and you can't really do much with it.  That's not really where I'm going with this story anyway! :)

Coming into my adult years I probably would have made a good candidate to join the women's liberation movement.  I felt I could do everything on my own, had no need or desire for a man in my life, and had ambition to become CEO of a major corporation, or go study business in England.  None of this happened, of course, but I still had the attitude...and that's the most dangerous part.

I never dated in high school, and was so awkward and completely clueless I don't think I would have noticed if anyone had been interested in me.  To my knowledge, no one was, so I guess I didn't have a problem there!  But when I went to college, the expectations of family and friends was that you would find your soul mate, get married, have babies and live happily ever after.  Yet again, I didn't have a clue what I was doing in the relationship department.  I still had no interest in getting married, other than the idea of getting married, which are two VERY different things!

I still felt I could do everything on my own, and with that attitude I don't think I was attracting any guys from my very-baptist-Christian-school!  So I left my first few years of college still not dating, still no boyfriend, no husband, no babies and no prospects.  But somehow, I was fine with it, other than being a little lonely with not having this ideal boyfriend everyone kept telling me I would find someday.

I lived on my own, went to school, had roommates...and then subsequently watched them all get married and eventually have babies of their own.  Still, I wasn't worried because no matter how old you are, you still have friends that tell you, "The right person is out there", or "You'll meet someone someday, when you're least expecting it".  Blah, blah, blah.  It was beginning to sound like a broken record, and I was still trying to hang on to the belief that they knew what they were talking about and had some special revelation from God concerning my singledom.

Eventually though, hope started to turn into disbelief, and my inner independence took over once again.  I over-involved myself in church ministries, school and anything else that would occupy my time.  Since I was single, and was starting to believe that I would remain so, I figured I had better find good ways to spend my time.

There is an element of necessity when it comes to us single girls, and this is the main point of my story.  It's independence.  Now, I think I'm beyond the stage of wanting to become the next women's lib. poster girl!  But out of necessity, us single girls become self-dependent.  We learn to do everything for ourselves, because there is no one else to help us do it.  We pay the bills.  We plan for our future.  We fix our cars, unclog the toilets and sink drains, do the household chores, and pay for everything ourselves.  It is out of necessity, not because we are either qualified or have the strong desire to do so on our own.  Trust me.  We don't.

We would much rather have a partner to do things together with, or have someone to help share the load, or be the yin to our yang.  I'd much rather have someone to pay the bills and handle the checkbook, fix the wiring on the cable tv/dvd/surround sound system when I don't know that the heck I'm doing.  But sometimes you just don't have anyone around who can do those things for you, so you learn to do everything yourself.

This can lead to further issues, by the way, which I know you single ladies are thinking about right now.  When you become an independent single woman, who can do things for herself, and you DO find a guy that you like, he can sometimes start to wonder if you really even need him for anything.  And WE usually don't see that.  We just do it ourselves, because we can, and we have become used to doing so.  So they almost remain unneeded.

Here's my challenge.  Ladies, let the men be men, and relish the chance to be a woman!  Men, don't be scared by us.  We really hate doing everything ourselves, and secretly want you to come rescue us from a life of being superwoman, but don't want you to know it.  We might try and show you we can do it, but we really want you to be our protectors.  Sorry I let the secret out ladies.  I know we fight against it sometimes, but God made us different, and gave us different roles for a reason!  Embrace it!! :)

I'm preaching to myself here too, because when trying to brace myself from the shock of actually having a guy that is willing to be a protector, I have to remember that that is his role, and allowing him to be that is honoring to God, even as a single woman.

If you've been keeping up with my blog, you know that I have been staying (almost 2 months now) with my friends Jason and Jenn.  We all went to college at Word of Life together, but really we were not close friends then, and really didn't keep in touch after school.  But here, 13 years later, our paths crossed, and our friendship has blossomed!  It is amazing how God works our lives out!

Jason and Jenn are awesome.  It is great to see their relationship and marriage played out every day in front of me.  I appreciate their honesty and openness.

I remember a sermon or Bible study some time ago talking about this aspect of protection from men, and how men can offer than to anyone, even other women.  Well, that was a shock!!  I find that we, as Christians, are scared to be vulnerable to anyone.  I have always heard about the dangers of women friends, or showing kindness to a woman from a married man, and so on.  And while I totally agree, I believe that we have become so worried about it, and we have closed ourselves off to a very important aspect of Christian brother/sisterhood.  And lets face it ladies, we don't want anyone to come close to our man, and find any woman that even talks to our men a huge threat.  And although we need to be careful and aware (especially in today's society), I'd like to challenge us all as women to think about the role of our husbands/boyfriends/sons in the church, our community, our church, our family, and with women in general.  Much effort is given in the Christian world to reminding each other of the dangers of relationships.  Think about it.

I have to give props to my friend Jenn.  Perhaps she doesn't even realize it.  Perhaps she does.  But, as a Christian wife, she has allowed her husband to show protection over me.  I didn't totally realize it myself until I was struggling with some ex-boyfriend issues, and he offered to "take care of it" for me.  And while he was kidding about the extent of it, I started to realize how much of this protection I had been missing in my life.  I'm sure Jason doesn't even realize it either, but I am so thankful to God for providing me with an example of a proper relationship between "the single girl" and "the married man-friend", and for the subtle yet sure ways that Jason has shown me protection in these last couple of months while invading his home!! :)  Thanks Jason!

Ladies, we can never be protected fully by any man, whether it's a Christian man (single or married) or not.  Our true protector if God.  God made man in His image, why would we escape the fact that God made men as our protectors, when He is in fact, our true Protector to the fullest extent that one ever could be or will be.  So, don't get the wrong idea about what I'm saying about our Christian brothers, because there is only so much they can do as men that we are not married to, but allow them that opportunity when it comes up, properly thank them when they do, and realize that God has allowed all kinds of protection for us single (and married) girls. 
We might not have a husband, or maybe even a boyfriend to offer that protection 24/7, but God is around every second of my life, and has allowed people to come into my life to protect me when it's needed.  His provision is all-inclusive and given specifically to our needs.  Like I said before, don't fight it, PLEASE don't go all inappropriate with it either, but realize that God as our Protector, has provided us with glimpses of it here on Earth.  Whether it's a prayer warrior, a friend to fix our car or that clogged drain, someone to offer physical protection if needed, or a couple that you went to school with 13 years ago who have since taken you into their home and offered your food and shelter, our job as Christian women is to be thankful and allow them the blessing of being men, and we can enjoy the blessing of being a woman taken care of!

Praise God for the times when he gives us a human man to give us an example of our Ultimate Protector!!

Home...

Finding a place to live is not easy.  There are several things to consider when looking for a suitable place to live.  You have the main things like location and price, but there's a lot more that goes into it.  Along with price comes figuring out what you're paying for move-in costs and deposits, what your electricity bills might look like.  Does the apartment get a lot of sun, therefore raising the cost of cooling it?  How old are the apartments, and the appliances?  Older appliances cost more in electricity.  Are there ceiling fans in all the main rooms to help with cooling costs?  Then is the other main decision about location.  How much will I be spending on gas to get to/from work?  Is it close enough to ride a bike?  Is there a bus stop close by if there is ever a need for one?  Is the higher cost in an apartment closer to work what I would spend on gas with an apartment that is further away? 
Than after those main questions are answered you have the details.  The size of the bedroom, and for us girls, the closet!  Is the bathroom only accessible through the one bedroom?  How much storage space is there?  How much are the pet fees per month?  How do I feel when I walk in my apartment?  How soon can I move in?
So many decisions go into picking an apartment.  This is what I have been dealing with for several months now.  Before I even came out here, I had apartments narrowed down, but life has changed even in this short amount of time, and has moved me to a different area than I first thought I would be in.  So, the apartment search shifted a couple of times, and with it came a LOT of apartment viewings, late night Google searches, and endless phone calls to apartment complexes.  I have spent all of my spare time apartment hunting and the search is finally over!
I finally found a place that I love, and that I can move into right away.  The one thing that will be different for me, is that I will be investing in a bike.  I'll only be living a few miles away from my job, and would really like to save the use of my van as much as possible.  With the way gas prices are going, anything is a help in saving usage of the vehicle!!
So, I'll be moving in next weekend!!  I'm so excited to finally have a place of my own, after two months of living off the generosity of others.  There is nothing wrong with being in that place in life, but part of me is so excited to get settled into my own space, and grow my roots here.  I have made friends here, and have a church that I'm going to right now, and am excited to be able to go out and meet people and make more friends!
I have been at my new job now for about 3 weeks and am really enjoying myself.  I work for a chiropractor/massage therapy/physical therapy office as a front desk receptionist.  I also am working extra hours temporarily to help with out billing and accounts receivable.  Both jobs are very different, but between the two I find that I am learning so much about the office and how we do things.  I've also become a patient at the office, and go in early for work for my appointments.  I am doing physical therapy again, which has presented it's own challenges to my body.
I have a lot of issues with scar tissue and muscle tissue that has "over-healed" itself and has caused some ongoing problems.  There is nerve damage as well, which complicates the matter.  The physical therapy I have received so far is definitely working the right areas, and attention is being given to things like my hip flexor muscle that has become aggravated with all the exercises I've been doing.  When this particular muscle is not happy, my whole leg is not happy.  Thus has been the case after the first week of therapy.  But after talking with the P.T., we have changed the routine to exclude any exercises that will continue to use that particular muscle.
I have learned so much from the therapists and doctors at my office.  I learn something new every day, and it is amazing to see how the body works, and heals itself (even though it needs a little help sometimes).  God designed out bodies so particularly and wonderfully.  Even when we are hurt, the body has it's own coping and healing mechanisms built right in that jump start before the word "ouch" leaves our mouths.  But, having learned what I have, the body's healing can also cause other problems down the road, and if they are not addressed right away and properly dealt with can cause complications for many, many years.
Had I known back when I was in the nursing home, what I know now, I would have had massage therapists working on me to break up scar tissue, muscle tissue, increase range of motion and circulation, and decrease swelling and stiffness.  If I would've done all this then, perhaps I would not have gotten a blood clot!  Perhaps a lot of things would be different.  But that is in the past, and I just deal with what I've got now, and do the best I can!
I say all that to say "maybe" it was God's provision that I got this job, and was able to receive these health benefits, even as a part-time employee.  I don't think that was by chance that I landed here.
So chalk another one up to God for his provision!
Lots of cool things are happening right now.  Even though life is really busy right now, I'm taking it all in and trying to enjoy everything that's coming!!

Breakdown Numbero Uno

Yup.  I knew it was gonna happen sometime.  It's like a dam that's ready to be let out, and you hear those warning sirens go off.  Warning!  Warning!  Step away!  Move back!  Run as fast as you can!  At some point though, you cannot escape the breaking of the emotional dam.  We can suck it up, grin and bear it, keep on keepin' on, and make the best of it for so long, and then you just can't anymore.  That was me the other day.
If you're following my blog, you might have been reading and thinking, "Wow.  Everything's going really well for her.  She's so strong."  Blah, blah, blah.  I'm not, and it's not. 
Things have not been going as planned since I made my venture to the desert.  First the car broke down, then the apartment wasn't ready for me to move in at my planned time, then I got a job that was too far to drive to every day from the apartment I had, then apartments are becoming harder and more expensive to find, and most recently I have felt like I am invading even more of every available inch of space in my friends' home by moving my stuff from storage into their garage, meaning it is unusable for car storage.
With frustrations along the way, I have tried to manage it with remembering all the good things that have taken place.  And usually that works.  But not the other day.  After having quite the ordeal trying to get my stuff out of storage and pulling a chest muscle in the process I was worn out, tired and sore.  The thought of going back the next day to get the rest of the stuff was killing me already!  I was carrying the second to the last item into the garage when I rammed my hand into the side of the slider door on the van.  And it wasn't just any ramming.  I actually punctured my finger on something.  It hurt so bad I almost dropped the heavy box I was carrying.  I tried to walk off the pain, but the tears came anyway.
I went inside the house and iced it right away, still shedding tears from the pain.  The swelling started to go down and I started to be able to move my finger, but the tears didn't stop.  It was like trying to stop the dam break by holding up your hand...it just ain't gonna work!
So the tears came, and Jenn comes over to me and asks me, "Is there anything we can do to help you?"  Well, then I felt even worse!  My friends here have been so amazing!  I have been here just about a month, and they have continuously opened up their home and now their garage to me, treating me like family, and offering any help I could possibly think of.  As much as I try and count the blessings that have been shown to me, part of me feels guilty for being on the receiving end so much.
I imagine I am not the only person that feels this way.  Don't you feel bad when you become the recipient of so much kindness?  Sometimes you are in a position to give back just as much, or more, and sometimes you're not.  It's when you're not able to match the blessings you're receiving that the guilt steps in.  It's easy to say that we should be here to help each other through life, but it's not as easy to ACCEPT the help through life.  I have had to learn this lesson in very large doses a couple times in my life, and I have a feeling it will be something I will need to work on until I leave this earth.  It's in my nature to be the giver, not the receiver.  But I can't imagine I'm the only person that struggles with this.
So, this good cry was just what I needed.  If you're a woman, especially, and you're reading this, you know what I'm talking about.  Sometimes you just need to let it out and have a good cry.  For some reason, a lot of times this solves the problem.  It's like a release of all the tension being held hostage in your body.  So, it all came out the other day.  I don't feel totally stress-free now, but the frustration that had built up is manageable now.
So now in my life, my days consist of a new job, working 4 days a week and trying to find a new apartment that is closer to my job.  Many blessings have been added to my previous list, including being able to move my stuff out of expensive storage to the garage located down the walkway from Jason and Jenn's apartment, which I am still residing in.  My van is still running, and I have food to eat and friends that are truly awesome.  God is taking care of me.  I just have to get over my own guilt!
All I can say right now is may God bless this truly amazing couple that has provided so much for me.