Breakdown Numbero Uno

Yup.  I knew it was gonna happen sometime.  It's like a dam that's ready to be let out, and you hear those warning sirens go off.  Warning!  Warning!  Step away!  Move back!  Run as fast as you can!  At some point though, you cannot escape the breaking of the emotional dam.  We can suck it up, grin and bear it, keep on keepin' on, and make the best of it for so long, and then you just can't anymore.  That was me the other day.
If you're following my blog, you might have been reading and thinking, "Wow.  Everything's going really well for her.  She's so strong."  Blah, blah, blah.  I'm not, and it's not. 
Things have not been going as planned since I made my venture to the desert.  First the car broke down, then the apartment wasn't ready for me to move in at my planned time, then I got a job that was too far to drive to every day from the apartment I had, then apartments are becoming harder and more expensive to find, and most recently I have felt like I am invading even more of every available inch of space in my friends' home by moving my stuff from storage into their garage, meaning it is unusable for car storage.
With frustrations along the way, I have tried to manage it with remembering all the good things that have taken place.  And usually that works.  But not the other day.  After having quite the ordeal trying to get my stuff out of storage and pulling a chest muscle in the process I was worn out, tired and sore.  The thought of going back the next day to get the rest of the stuff was killing me already!  I was carrying the second to the last item into the garage when I rammed my hand into the side of the slider door on the van.  And it wasn't just any ramming.  I actually punctured my finger on something.  It hurt so bad I almost dropped the heavy box I was carrying.  I tried to walk off the pain, but the tears came anyway.
I went inside the house and iced it right away, still shedding tears from the pain.  The swelling started to go down and I started to be able to move my finger, but the tears didn't stop.  It was like trying to stop the dam break by holding up your hand...it just ain't gonna work!
So the tears came, and Jenn comes over to me and asks me, "Is there anything we can do to help you?"  Well, then I felt even worse!  My friends here have been so amazing!  I have been here just about a month, and they have continuously opened up their home and now their garage to me, treating me like family, and offering any help I could possibly think of.  As much as I try and count the blessings that have been shown to me, part of me feels guilty for being on the receiving end so much.
I imagine I am not the only person that feels this way.  Don't you feel bad when you become the recipient of so much kindness?  Sometimes you are in a position to give back just as much, or more, and sometimes you're not.  It's when you're not able to match the blessings you're receiving that the guilt steps in.  It's easy to say that we should be here to help each other through life, but it's not as easy to ACCEPT the help through life.  I have had to learn this lesson in very large doses a couple times in my life, and I have a feeling it will be something I will need to work on until I leave this earth.  It's in my nature to be the giver, not the receiver.  But I can't imagine I'm the only person that struggles with this.
So, this good cry was just what I needed.  If you're a woman, especially, and you're reading this, you know what I'm talking about.  Sometimes you just need to let it out and have a good cry.  For some reason, a lot of times this solves the problem.  It's like a release of all the tension being held hostage in your body.  So, it all came out the other day.  I don't feel totally stress-free now, but the frustration that had built up is manageable now.
So now in my life, my days consist of a new job, working 4 days a week and trying to find a new apartment that is closer to my job.  Many blessings have been added to my previous list, including being able to move my stuff out of expensive storage to the garage located down the walkway from Jason and Jenn's apartment, which I am still residing in.  My van is still running, and I have food to eat and friends that are truly awesome.  God is taking care of me.  I just have to get over my own guilt!
All I can say right now is may God bless this truly amazing couple that has provided so much for me.