I got in my car, turned on the R&B station, and started driving. Something was off. The light goes on. It's the air pressure. Of course it is.! It's "cold" out! I stop. I look. It's not just cold, it's flat. I wonder if I could make it down the street to the gas station, but the awful sound coming from the tire has me turning right back into the work parking lot.
It's the first time I've used my emergency road side assistance plan, and it works out great. (Shameless plug right here, my entire service was free, and the people were great. Great job Jake from State Farm! (Or Roy, as it were.)) Anyway, the estimate said 40 minutes before arrival, and it just so happened that I had my Bible and my journal in the car. Perfect!
I open up to Psalms 73, which hits me. Then I decide to read the book of Ruth. The whole book. Don't freak out. It's only 4 chapters long. I'm tearing up reading this story. I'm having this mini-moment with God. Here's this chick, married into this family of people from another country, who practice a different religion. In time, her husband, brother-in-law, and father-in-law all die. I don't know in what period of time they all died. But they are in fact, all dead. Sorry to be so blunt.
Can you imagine? All the men in your family, all the heads of the home, all the providers for an entire family, gone? A wife has lost her husband AND both of her sons. Two young women have lost their husbands. Now they are left with a mother-in-law, far from their own families, and without providers.
The mother-in-law, Naomi, tells these young widows to go back to their families, seek out husbands to provide for them, and bear children with. One eventually does, and the other stays, vowing to stay with Naomi no matter where she goes, vowing to be a part of her life, and know her God, be her family. Naomi eventually gives in, and the two widows go back to the original country of Naomi's family. The daughter-in-law, Ruth, gets "a job" picking up the scraps of wheat left behind by harvesters. Unbeknowns to her, she just happened to be working land owned by a distant relative of her mother-in-law Naomi.
Custom, timing, and grace culminate to a beautiful love story of redemption. This man sees her dedication and love for her family, her trust in God, and her needs, and honors her for it all. This distant relative ultimately takes Ruth in as his wife, and their child becomes the grandfather of King David, one of the most well-known characters of the Bible.
Woah. Like, woah!
Here she is in devastation, poor, without protection, and bam.
"Where are these men now, God? Where?! Where are the men that value these qualities in a woman, enough to do something about it; not to leave her to another man, but to take action, ownership of her heart, claim it, something!" So, God and I are having a little chat about this, and I'm still waiting for Mr. Tow Truck Man, who is now late. No phone call, no updated ETA. Just late. For all I know he was hitting up Jack in the Box before meandering over to meet me. I had no idea. "He better be cute", I thought to myself (because that makes up for it, somehow).
At 2am, Mr. Two Truck Man arrives...and he is cute. Now, I realize my sense of cute isn't always the most popular. I also don't have a type, so Mr. Tow Truck Man (let's call him...Josh) is just one batch of good looks God whipped up in his laboratory. Let me tell you about him. Josh is tall, not skinny, just an average build, with a deep voice, a bald head, and facial hair...and he's a ginger. Already I am like, "Dear Jesus, thank you", but his looks continue to intrigue me with the tattoos, and the spacer spikes in his ears. Not to mention those cowboy boots he's wearing look worn and comfortable, like he knows how to wear them, likes to wear them, and wears them frequently, if not all the time. Mixed with the jeans that are covering another great part of his body, I have summed up that Josh is actually pretty cute, and also probably a little bit of a bad boy, yet polite...which is kind of fun.
It occurs to me at this point, that he is in fact, driving me home, and I wonder if Josh is a creeper or a gentleman, or maybe a little of both. It doesn't take long for us to get into conversation on the way to my place (because I am me, and I do that). Not only did it take me less than five minutes to sum up Josh physically, it took equal time for me to sum up his life story...even less to find out he's single.
Within the first five minutes of conversation, I learned Josh had just broken up with his live-in girlfriend that past weekend. He likes curvy girls (they have to have some "meat" on them), and he likes them drama-free (what guy doesn't?). He also has a son, lives only a few miles from me, is quite able as a tradesman, has family property out of town, he likes the country, hates the city, and has already had two women on his Facebook, hitting on him since this weekend's re-entrance into singledom.
This part is what I kindly refer to as "peacocking" - An effort by men to show off for women, hoping to gain attention or favor. I'm not sure why men choose to peacock about other women who want them, or whom they are starting something with, but for some reason they think this is a signal to other women that he is "worth it", and it should be a turn-on. I don't get it, but Josh was no exception.
I don't know if I wear a sign on me that says, "Please make me your best buddy", that all men can see, or what, but this seems to be a thing. Although, Josh was clearly (and even I could pick up on this, and I am dense when it comes to flirting) flirting with me. We were talking about life and age. He clearly didn't think I was anywhere close to his age, though I knew I was. He pointed out that he had gray hair, then so did I. He's close to 40. So am I. He thought I was 29.
Typical.
I could tell Josh was liking the fact that we had so much in common. It wasn't uncomfortable at all, and that I was a listening ear for him to share his woes about how tough it is to find a curvy, drama-free, simple girl in this town full of plastic, high-maintenance, drama queens. Again, this is my life. Yup. Right here. Sitting right here!! Yes, it's so difficult to find those women. Gee, I wonder where you could find one? I wonder where ANY man could find one?!
I think this is the point where I'm supposed to point out that I am that person. That is what I'm supposed to do right then, isn't it? I knew better than to go down that road.
Anyway, we're nearing my house, and I can tell that Josh would be a lot of fun. He admits to not wanting anything serious with anyone right now. Just fun, no commitments. Again...my life. He might be fun, but he also admits to me that his ex-girlfriend of four whole days, dumped him because he wouldn't grow up. And he wasn't sad about that at all. He wants to be a boy, not a man.
It's at this point that I have a mini-epiphany. Not a full-blown one. Just a mini one. In twenty minutes I summed up a man's outside and insides, and determined that I could do whatever I wanted to with him. Josh was a lonely and willing man. Every woman knows that a lonely and willing man is one "wanna come in for a drink" away from being hers...even if it is just for a night. At first glance and an elevator pitch, Josh might have seemed like a great catch. A cute package for a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't care about a man's profession. I don't care if he drives a tow truck, works on a farm, sells real estate, or is a CEO of a company. I could care less. At 37, I've learned to take care of myself. I pay my bills. fix my car, schedule my own doctor's appointments, and carry my own groceries. Not that I would mind someone providing for me in those ways, but they aren't the things I need in life. I need someone who is able to take care of my soul...my heart. Whatever else he wants to take care of, out of love and care for me, is pure icing on the cake, in my opinion.
Josh was just a boy, who doesn't want to be a man. I want a man, who hasn't forgotten what it's like to be a boy.
That was my mini-epiphany for the day - that while some things are available to me, I have learned what it is that I want, and what the value I now see in myself says I don't have to settle for.
The story of Ruth still ringing in my ears I was reminded of the qualities Boaz saw in her. He truly saw her. And he intentionally sought to provide for her, honoring her at every step.
She must have felt lonely, poor, and maybe unworthy of love, wondering how God was going to take care of her and her needs. Not only was she cared for, she was honored.
In any light, one Boaz is better than a thousand Josh's.
So here I am...waiting for Boaz. I have had men that want me and don't love me. And I have had men that love me and don't want me. Somewhere there is someone who wants both. Because I'm worth that.
Carry on, oh knight in shining tow truck. May you find your noncommittal, drama-free, curvaceous, country girl, and live happily ever...hmm.
Still practicing...
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