I'm happy about this, right?

Earlier this week I had an MRI done on my low back to see if they could find anything that would be causing my extreme pain.  I went in this morning to the pain management doctor, but before I saw him I asked to get a copy of the report so I could review it myself before I went in there.  "No findings to justify symptoms" was the last line of the report.  There is a little wear and tear on my back, and a little arthritis.  That was expected given my age, weight and past injuries.  What they didn't find was the reason for my pain.  So this is where people say, "Well, at least you don't have to have surgery."  Yes, thank you for that, because surgery really the worst option for me right now (sarcastic).
I immediately teared up, but did everything possible to hold it in.  Maybe I'm misinterpreting one of these lines, maybe the doctor will see something they didn't catch, maybe, maybe, maybe.  I knew none of those wishes were correct, but still in the back of my mind I hoped that someone would be wrong, someone would see something.  What I really hoped was that the MRI would show something obvious, something that could be seen with the eye, and could be fixed...somehow.  Yet again, I am left with no answers.
I am trying really hard to see the silver lining here.  That being that I don't have a herniated disk, don't require major surgery, don't have something wrong with my spine, or any obvious signs of pinching or damage to any nerves stemming from my spine.  And for that I am grateful.  I really am.
So the pain management doctor and I talked through things, and I think he saw how close to breaking down I was and put his hand out and said calmly, "It's okay.  We'll figure this out."  Well, that made me tear up again, and I almost lost it, but refocused my energy on the diagrams he was showing me, and possible treatments.  Thank God he didn't think I was crazy.  I really don't think I could have handled another person looking at me saying, "You shouldn't be in this much pain", or better yet ASKING me, "Why are you in this much pain?"  As if I had the answer.  Trust me, if I did, I wouldn't be here right now!
So I asked the doctor what he could do today to help the pain in my low back.  So I got 4 trigger point injections of a numbing and steroid concoction whipped up by the doctor.  I also scheduled a sacroiliac injection.  That one is a lot bigger, a lot more complicated and requires me to have a driver and take the day off work.  Oh joy.  I believe it's done with fluoroscope so they can have a live picture of my insides while they're injecting.  It's pretty cool actually.  I had one other one done right before my hip replacement, and stole a glance at the monitor while they were putting the needle in.  Crazy.  That's in an effort to get the injection in exactly the right spot in the joint.  The one I had previously did nothing except make me extremely sore (from the fluid around the joint).  But the doctor said that the joint can be tricky to get the right spot and wants to give it one more try.  If that doesn't work we'll move on to other things.  That's for the back pain.
The stabbing pain in my leg however is a whole nother story.  Since there was no nerve issue in my back, the pain in my leg is most likely from the nerve that was purposefully cut in one of my pelvic reconstruction surgeries.  The nerve was cut to give me relief from pain, and with all the damage to my pelvis, I'm sure it has.  But nerves are tricky little things, and can start to regrow, or have funky little side effects.  That's what the doc thinks has happened.  Unfortunately, this is going to be very hard to treat.  First step, possible anti-seizure medicines I would have to take every day to keep the nerve from flaring up or spasming.  I'm not fond of this treatment, but then again I'm not fond of any of these treatments.  They're all painful, and putting things into my body that aren't healthy.  But if you can't move, you can't move, and you're at the mercy of what works.
So I have the script for the anti-seizure meds, but am still contemplating it.  It would take 2-3 months over meds every day to even see if it's working, or I can wait and try these other treatments and see if they work instead. 
The pain doc told me that pain management is really a trial and error process.  You go with the information you have and then you start eliminating what's not working. 
The treatment is long, expensive and emotionally draining.  Not only do you have to take time off work (if you can continue working amidst the horrible pain) to go to the appointments, but you have co-pays and deductibles for each visit as well.  Not only do you have the pain management doctors, but you have physical therapy as well, and co-pays and more time off for that.  The worst part...even if you feel better from a round of physical therapy, you know that at any time you could flare up again and be right back where you started, having to do it all over again.

Unfortunately, because people no longer SEE my pain, they think it doesn't exist.  It's like a vicious cycle.  I wear makeup, I wear decent-enough clothes, and I smile...a LOT.  To anyone looking I am not in pain.  I am normal.  Then the questions come.  Why do you (as a single woman with no children) drive a minivan?  Why do you have a handicap license plate?  Why are you on disability?  Oh, you have Medicare.  Why?  Why aren't you working?  Why aren't you working full-time?  How do you survive on just working part-time?  Why can't you lift that box?  Why can't you take the stairs?  Why can't you go hiking with me?  What's wrong?
Then I try to answer those questions as politically correct as possible and in as short amount of time as possible without provoking more questions, or worse, the disbelieving look and subsequent annoyance with you "milking the system" by "claiming" your disabled.  Yes, people, this is my life...welcome.
So, I realize I have now vented a heap of frustration in this blog posting, and I mean this in no way to discourage anyone.  I know there are a couple people who read this because it's someone who is going through crap too, and it helps to be encouraged.
The encouraging thing about the last week is that I have found TWO doctors in one week who are actually decent, smart individuals, and not threatened by a girl who knows her body, knows a little bit about a little bit, and isn't afraid to challenge their opinion.  Those kinds of doctors are hard to come by, but apparently they DO STILL EXIST!!  That is encouraging.  Sometimes you just have to look a little further.  It is my hope someday to have a website, where members can rate doctors they have seen for a list of qualities.  I base most of my new patient visits on reviews from others, either people I know, or reviews online.  I don't go anywhere without hearing about it first.  There are too many quacks out there.  And honestly, with the internet, and the capability of putting reviews on absolutely everything there is no reason that anyone should not have a review online.  So, check others' reviews, ask around to others who live in your area, and go hunting!  Good doctors still exist!!