Birthday & Anniversary...Mixed Feelings

Yet another birthday is approaching for me.  Honestly, I really don't mind.  I didn't mind turning 30, and I don't mind that I'm now turning 33.  Things are a lot different in my life than I thought when I was younger, they would be at this time.  But that's okay with me!  Getting older isn't scary for me at all.  I don't dread it.  I'm not worrisome about wrinkles, gray hair (usually) or cellulite.  My butt keeps getting wider, my face is starting to show slight wrinkles, and my boobs need help standing up straight.  But I'm not stressin' it.  It's all a part of life, and I do what I can to look nice.  Beyond that, I'm not undergoing surgery just to look younger than I am.
Fortunately, that's a problem I usually don't have.  People ALWAYS think I'm younger than I am.  I'm sure this will be nice when I'm 50 and I want to look 40, but for now it means that I get treated as if I'm in my mid-late twenties.  I guess I can't complain.  Like I said, it will be nice later in life.  Thanks Mom and Dad for the good anti-aging genes!!
For the last several years my birthday has always come with a little bit of apprehension, as my birthday lands on the 12th of July, and the anniversary of my accident is on the 15th.  As much as I try to ignore the day, my body always goes through anxiety as soon as the birthday celebrations are over with.  Year after year I go through a little emotional roller coaster as my birthday brings happiness and love, and the accident that has affected my life in so many ways brings anger, sadness and grief.
Most people can understand the anger and sadness part, but the grief is somewhat harder to understand.  To have something as important as your life taken from you, run through the equivalent of a spin cycle on the washing machine, and then spit out like a disgusting hairball, can make anyone go crazy.
If you are lucky (and I do mean lucky) enough to not actually go permanently crazy, you still have times when you face the disappointment of a life now lost to the past.  Things are never quite what they were, and never quite what you wish they could be.  Most of the time, you can wear a smile and make it through one, maybe even several days, of not thinking about the devastating effects of such a traumatic event.  But that one day of the year, that anniversary, or what some people call a "life day", is sometimes just too much to handle.  My prescription...just go with it.
It's okay to grieve.  You've lost a lot.  I've lost a lot.  Recognize it, have a good cry (a really good one), and then remind yourself that you survived for a reason and move on.  Not move on as in forget about it.  Move on, as in carry on with your life in the best way you can.  If you need help, get it.  If you need time alone, take it.  Do whatever you need to to drag yourself (or be dragged) out of the pit of permanent grief.  It's not a place to stay forever.
I say all these things in "you's", but really I'm just saying them to myself, and in the case that someone reads this that needs some encouragement, then for that purpose too.
This year will be the 7th anniversary of my accident, and each year since the 1st has gotten a tad easier.  The anxiety isn't as much, the panic isn't there anymore.  The difficulty driving my car or getting on the highway on that day isn't there.  But some things never totally leave, even if they are lessened by time.  And that is both a curse and a blessing.  The curse is in the grief.  The blessing is in the fact that I still have life, and get to be reminded of it every year.  I guess then, it is fitting that I should celebrate so close to my birthday another year of life that was ALMOST taken from me.  So much to be thankful for...